18. Just Live Life Right Now

Meeting Radiance in Real-Time

Blog Overview: Power of Presence / Full-Expression / Unconditional Love

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Cover Image Credits: Gina Kiel

I met this woman named Fernie at Envision Festival. I was wandering alone in my bliss, enjoying the bubble of talent. You know? Festival meandering. Stumbling into the perfect scenario, which stamps you with an impression and shifts your timelines. That sort of meeting I shared with Fernie.

Admiration over a painting paying tribute to black panther vibes brought us into conversation...my favorite kind of catalyst.

She too was a black panther, Fernie my fast yet short-lived friend. Bold in her ensemble. Quick with her tongue. Not in the way of her mind analyzing, rather her heart and essence inspiring her words. She was by far the most interesting person I met simply because she breathed in liberation.

I found myself feeling younger with Fernie, enamored, while noting more unity in the field than I experienced during the entire festival. We were like two kids playing with a dragon when everyone else around us only saw a lizard. There was none of that sisterhood comparison bullshit. And definitely no small-talk – where are you from? – what do you like to do? – what made you come to Envision?

Just two beings being real. Real playful. Real funky. Real synergy. Really fucking aligned…to the point where we (on multiple occasions) said the same things at the same time, even though we met only 10 minutes prior.

She had a joke or pun or catchy way of phrasing things that kept me on the tips of my toes. Archetype of the Jokester. Her light was so bright. Her fire, so raw. Her embers, aglow. Her magic, artfully portrayed. Not a piece of her was hiding. None of her was hurting nor holding out. She was living the fullest moment. Together we were two stars shining bright, crossing in the dark, endless galaxy for a brief but beautiful laugh…resonance at its finest.

Being the Pisces Sun that I am, ahhhhhh what a treat to witness her whimsical world! I could feel all the excitement of her life…in the present moment, backward and forward. The time/space conundrum faded away and we went off-script, into the vastness of joy.

Art Credits: NIBERA

There I was looking up to this 40 some year-old big sister, seeing hidden and truer parts of myself reflected in and brought out by her. She reminded me time and time again during our encounter: “just live life right now!” Advice she dished out and lived by, keeping the field alive with creative energy.

I wanted to tell her, “I know!”, because this very principle is one that I breathe. It’s the only possible way I tap into consciously overcoming obstacles/fears of the unconscious. It’s the knowledge necessary to meet Heaven on Earth. It’s a way of being, not an understanding. Beyond conceptual, and lived.

Blogging about Fernie was not scripted. I sat at my laptop and randomly reminisced on our short encounter and the takeaway: “just live life right now!” Surprisingly, I became overwhelmed with gratitude for her while writing and thick tears dripped down my cheeks…at least three separate times, nonetheless!

That’s the kind of presence she shared with me. The mark of beauty.

Artist Credits: Valentina Capetanopulos Lisboa

You can really create impact in someone’s life, no matter how long you’ve known them. When you’re embodied in your radiance, the entire field enhances and clarifies. You heal the denser vibrations. You show what is possible when you’re truly authentic. And you give permission for others to step into their own power and individuality.

Fernie was that for me: a pure reflection. She was a reminder that I have a great impact in my community and relations….and she was encouraging of me to be RIDDLE LIDDLE! A strange name for a strange woman who loves the nonsensical, the abstract, the mystery. RIDDLE: lightening dancer; fire-tender; teacher and student; kid at heart; the wise fool; romancer; treasure huntress; visionary; carrier of Honu medicine; and so much yet discovered, yet un-layered…waiting to be loved.

Time and time again, I’ve witnessed the vibe change as soon as I step into a room with my fullest, realest Self. The ordinary cordials get a shake down. The energy shifts from pleasantries to actual enjoyment.

I don’t share this to boost my ego. Far from that. I share this witnessing because it’s so important for people to understand how intoxicating your true expression is.

People get excited to see me! What a gift! What a reflection! What a wonderful sign that I’m living and loving as if I had not known hurt!

Link to Astronaut Art

If I were a gloomy cloud walking through life, people would not share such wholesome smiles with me. They would match my storm, enable, or hold space.

I’m not saying I don’t ever had “off” days. That I don’t feel sad or angry. Trust me. I get fucking angry. But I responsibly tend to those pent-up emotions. I care for them by seeing, feeling, and loving them. As temporal. I recognize that they are triggered by my perceptions and my pain-body. I know the impact it has on the field when not tended to, so I do the work.

The joy works similarly. It’s quite fleeting, though everlasting. It’s always around, but you’ve got to pull back the layers that convince you otherwise. The layers are why we are here on Earth. It’s what we are healing. It’s the experience!

Alan Watts said it the best. It’s a quote I’ve already used in another blog, but it needs to be spoken again: “Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great." But now let's have a surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say "Wow, that was a close shave, wasn't it?" And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream. And finally, you would dream ... where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today.”

I said a few weeks back, “No one in my field can love unconditionally. It’s just not possible. I do not love unconditionally, otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now!”

There’s so much truth in this…and so much untruth.

The truth is, I’m carrying pain in my Body because I still see myself as this Body. I still give my Mind the time of day. My Spirit replays the Devil archetype from time to time, showing me my shadows so that I may bring loving awareness to them and begin the process of unraveling…or continue that process by refining.

I love so much, but I still haven’t quite figured out how to maintain that loving-light in every single breath, thereby living unconditionally. I can love so much when things go “right” but when the Tower falls and all Hell lets loose, I’m a depressed mother-fucker. Sometimes I even spiral into it if I don’t have the tools or support or wherewithal.

I’m still hurting and replaying the hurt just so that I can clear that shit! I’m not rejecting the pain. It’s purely prudent, however, to know that healing is based in intention. That’s the untruth in saying “I do not love unconditionally”. Unconditional love always surrounds me. God is always within and without. The spiral ceaselessly pulls us back into Oneness. In order to recognize this process, we must see that we create separation. The duality of existence. The quantum conundrum. The riddle of it all.

I may not give presence to unconditional love in all moments. Shoot, I can only but feel this Godly love but a fraction. But I’m ravished. I carry a longing, long known to be the mystic witch and prophet, seer and feeler, sage who must unlearn so much…heal a lineage of pain.

When the field is a bright light of expansion and inspiration, I lean in so so so fully. When the dark nights take me by surprise, I promise myself to feel it so so so fully. Every day I wake up truly wondering how the day will unfold. What parts of me will come out to play? Will I be radiant and in my power? Will I replay my pains in order to see where refinement comes in? Simple joys today? Or one hell of a surprise? Perhaps a miracle! Or a song? Maybe I’ll meet him today? One way or another, I’ll look in the mirror and love myself. There’s only one Riddle Liddle. There’s only one Fernie. There’s only one you.

Show the world your true colors. Do your work…the cringy, revealing work. Be honest with yourself. See the best in everyone. And choose to live life right now! You are not guaranteed anything at all. You’re a sovereign creator of reality. Choose to live right now!

As my teacher says, “How did you love before you knew hurt?”

It’s all unfolding perfectly.

Love,

Riddlez

Artist Credits:

Valentina Capetanopulos Lisboa

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