11. Long Story Short

Taking a break...

Blog Overview: Short Life Update // Cycles // Death

There’s something I need....

A break without judgement. So, here’s a short blog with a small update and a promise that in the next one I’ll share my recent phoenix rebirthing. It’s a complicated story and requires my undivided attention, which I’m currently not able to provide.

I’m back on Big Island after nearly three weeks in Virginia at my childhood home. Something huge happened to me and I’m not ready to share. Quite frankly, I need more time to adjust and ground. I’m dealing with a $1200+ car repair and having to move out of my home in 4 days, all the while not knowing where I’ll be living in a week.

I want to complain and justify defeat. It’s all too easy to give up or point fingers.

That’s just not who I am though. That’s a distortion, which robs me of my sovereignty. After all, who but myself and God designed this life? I can’t blame anyone. That’s total bullshit, as much as saying that someone madeyou angry. That’s not at all possible. They cannot step inside of your emotional body and force anger. It’s a free will universe. Ultimately, I can do whatever I want. And for some reason, I need this time of my life to totally collapse. Everything familiar is changing. My inner world is much more aligned with Truth, thus my external reflections need a shake-down. Part of me feels scared, but I’m used to it and won’t swallow that hook. I’ve got enough experience with ego deaths to recognize that projecting fear into the unknown is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

When I feel the victim mentality arise, I tend to show up the most.

This is me showing up – tired and overwhelmed but committed to my New/Full moon posts, my Alpha and Omega energies balanced. Alpha: write the post and honor your commitment. Omega: I’m not energetically available to unravel the complexities of my experience to the world. The balance: short update.

It’s not much, but right now my focus is concentrated on the tug of war between the old me and the new, true me. This integration is an act of radical leaping. I feel the higher timeline is so available for me and all my choices must come from a foundation of service to the Whole. I no longer feel interested in my egoic will. Don’t get me wrong, I still have desires but I feel more like a witness to my humanness, as if I’m in a meditation watching it all happen.

But the Tower crumbles for a reason and death is an invitation.

I’m being invited to slow down as much as possible, tie loose ends, close chapters, and open to the infinite abundance of God, trusting deep in my core that there is a perfect plan. All that is mine by Divine right is on its way to me.

I hope this at least reminds you that you’ve got nothing to prove. The only person judging you is you. There is no end goal, just energy. If you need a three-month hiatus away from your job, do it. If you need a massage, book one. Just take care of yourself first. Maintain faith, even when everything around you seems to confirm that no God has your back. The universe will respond by taking care of you. Invest in you right-now Self. For me, that means going to a poetry night with friends I love a lot instead of forcing myself into solitude to write from a place of depletion.

To all the ladies out there: rest when you’re bleeding. Honor your cycle. You’ll have more energy soon enough. Death is part of the process. The trees shed their leaves, which compost into life-force for the spring flowering. It’s one big cycle.

Love, Riddles

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