15. "You're a fish."

Why the Pisces in me needs the ocean.

Blog Overview: Ocean Magic / Patient Perseverance / Treasures

Deep beneath the ocean, there is a healing witness. She calls herself Riddle, to poke fun at it all. She’s half-human / half-fish, speaks in whispers, and wonders when her gills will finally grow in. Her days on land are rewarding in many senses. Dancing like a volcano, painting giraffes, and telling tall tales of dragons keep her busy and bountiful with passion. But those hours under water…those are her favorite moments.

The rising sun wakes her from mermaid dreams, until soon enough she’s by the water’s edge. She begrudgingly bundles her human skin in a thin layer of clothing from ankle to wrist. The shivers an hour into a dive force her into the ridiculous costume.

A memory flashes across her mind, the little clown fish laughing at the half-fish humanoid. You’re one of us, they told Riddle. Why cloak your naked truth?

She rolls her eyes to herself as she squeezes into the wetsuit top.

At the edge, where Water meets Earth, Riddle bends to her knees, placing her fins, mask & snorkel, a mesh bag, and a naupaka leaf on the white sand. She mushes up the naupaka in her palm and coats the inside of her mask so it doesn’t fog. Her tight muscles get a quick stretch, but Riddle is too eager to ground in her element of choice to bother with her long routine of formal practices.

Her inner-child genius is directing this movie. Always has, always will.

Before entering, she sends prayers with flowers. Sometimes, just silence.

I call on the honu so that I may learn to embody and deepen my practice of ahonui (patient perseverance). And the mano, for strength. The tako, for intelligence. Mahalo to the deep wisdom of the ocean. I vow to presence my gratitude, my awe, my humility in the face of Moana’s raw power, which reminds me of my tiny yet grand nature. I pray for safety and release. Please clear my vessel and make space for the codes of remembrance. I am Water. I am.

She bows then saunters into the lapping foamy waves with confidence. The break is small and the winds are holding their breath: perfect conditions. Riddle smiles inwardly, knowing that the next 1.5 hours are going to be expansive.

She submerges.

The honu, a mere arm’s length away, welcomes her immediately, like grandma does with cookies and kisses. She admires the shimmering sun rays on the honu’s shell as her body floats, adjusting to the cool water. Then, she’s off to explore the familiar reef at Kua Bay, the honu oriented elsewhere.

A new fish catches her attention. It’s-

• Neon green with vertical stripes,

• With a double horn,

• The length of her index finger,

• Thin like paper,

• and a natural performer.

It’s somewhat shy, hiding beneath the rocks, but then it feels Riddle as a neutral and loving audience. So, the fish glides from beneath its coverage and demonstrates how mass relates with fluidity. The subtle yet present currents wash across this little fish. If it has a muscular system, it’s quite elastic, bending with each minute curve of the ocean’s pulse. Riddle’s giggles shoot from her snorkel, scaring the fish back into hiding.

Encore! Encore!

The fish consents, this time allowing Riddle to get in close to watch the intimate display. Her entire focus is lasered on this one little fish. Perhaps its entire life led to that performance. When else has consciousness given its full loving awareness to this matter?

The show is worthy of 5 stars.

But like every great performance, the curtain must close. Riddle continues onward, leaving the horned fish to Be without witness.

Her toned legs propel her forward gently. So she goes…gently, with as little resistance as possible, finding subtle pathways and rarely exerting force along the journey.

Acclimated at this point, she inhales softly into her lower belly then with one swift motion ducks underwater, spending 30 seconds with the coral. All the regulars are there, but those common reef fish rarely get her full attention. She acknowledges them briefly, then surfaces for breath.

It's quiet down there. In the winter, the whales sing. Other times, the dolphins squeal even though they are nowhere in sight. This time, all Riddle hears is a constant white noise, the sand singing.

Her neck swivels, taking in her peripherals, hoping a shark will visit. Not knowing what is moving her forward, what “part” is behind the wheel, Riddle basks in the absurd complexity of it all, simply enjoying the ride. Enjoying her longing for shark medicine. Enjoying the common reef fish. Searching for ocean treasures. Pivoting between longing for more and simply being with what is.

Water is the strongest element, with no beginning and no end, carrying all memory. You can spin into any situation in the ocean, so one must be careful to send out hopeful prayers, thought forms, and beliefs.

Sometimes Riddle casts them like wishes upon a shooting star. Other times, her inner-waters call forth healing by simply telling the entirety of her Being and that which is reflected in her outer world, “I love you.”

Hare Krisna Hare Krisna

Krisna Krisna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama

Rama Rama Hare Hare

She chants.

She sings E Komo Mai.

Then, in her mind: “……..and send Alex a text by tomorrow. There will probably be traffic when you leave, so get back to land by……”

She watches her thoughts like the fish: unconditionally. And they fade away.

Riddle softens into the immensity of presence, willing herself to return to the miracle of totality under and within water, watching the early morning light twinkle on the underside of the water’s surface.

15 minutes into the dive and she’s plunging to about 25 feet, getting warmed up. Though she’s barely been under water for 20 seconds, her lungs convince her she’s going to die if she doesn’t surface. She surrenders to the urge, though she knows it’s the mind’s trickery, simply because she’s alone with no one watching her back.

She repeats this several times until she can remain 30’ under water for about 45 seconds.

At the ocean floor, she’ll sit in mediation. She’ll corkscrew spin and dance back to the surface, the ocean priestess claiming space, not needing a witness, but simply enjoying her expression, the fluidity of her joints, the slight compression around her body, the void emanating though her every cell.

Her mind finally gets quiet enough to find that there’s absolutely nothing missing. Everything falls in its rightful place when the Pisces creatures returns home. She’s a force to be reckoned with, entertaining the ocean with her play.

A few calming breaths through the snorkel and she’s lasered in on a coral head 25’ deep. Halfway down, she feels the Spirit.

Honu, a younger female, came to teach Riddle her next lesson.

Watch how calm I am, little Riddle. The honu surfaced for breath, probably its first one in 20 minutes. Breathe gently and with no urgency. Relax and soften. Even on your last breath before plunging, be soft.

Riddle follows the young honu along the reef’s edge, copying its movements and listening for any messages.

“Will you take me on a tour?” Riddle asks her guide, hoping the honu would show her secret coves and hidden treasures. It is not uncommon for the honu to reveal them, after all.

It dives deeper and Riddle hears “not today”, the honu disappearing in a low visibility area.

With an empty mesh bag, Riddle heads into the reef, searching for sea urchin shells and spines. The urgency leads her astray until, finally, she lets go of any return, simply content to be meditating in the water. And suddenly, an abundance of treasure manifests. Pockets of urchin spines around 15’ quickly fill her treasure bag. One after the next, white urchin shells pop up out of nowhere, God placing them like Easter eggs for Riddle’s inner child.

Lobsters crawl like spiders across the coral. Octopus sometimes even show themselves, though Riddle can rarely spot them. The eels slither into tiny cracks and the fish nestle in their coral homes.

The shivers arrive, her humanity revealed. She calms her quick heartbeat with a few deep inhales and looooong exhales and promises to head to shore, though all she wants is to dissolve fully into the water. She looks around at the island from the water and thanks all the miracles that led to such a dreamy life.

How does it get better than this?

She truly wonders…

Short enough, she's back to shore, integrating. Wishing she were back in the water. Shivering. Taking in all the treasures the ocean shared with her.

There's many memories.

Diving with eyes closed and fading away. The hono practically holding her hand. Being down 50' with the stillest feeling, stumbling upon urchin shells. None of it makes sense. But it all falls away. Slips like water down a river.

She surfs the shore-break naked. Teaches grown-ups to be kid again. Floats like drift wood. Washes away all her worries.

From clouds to rivers to ocean.

Riddle, the ocean critter, loves you.

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